Going to the Mattresses:
Your computer screen is less than a half an inch thick. But lately its been like the infinite pathway of mirrors that Juno makes in Inception. Sometimes Leo’s wife shows up in the form of anxiety and figuratively tries to stab you.
You pride yourself on keeping calm and collected. Masking the manic wreck that is your mind with the slow speech of a stoner and a self induced stutter every now and then. But you have been letting down your guard lately. The people that glimpse these moments disbelieve, for the truth overwhelms. Knowing that anything near total disclosure made someone run in fear.
"Remember when…" sentences never go back more than a few months. Just lately they have expanded to a year. Max. You love being transient because it allows you to run away often. Your share more adventures with your car then one individual.
Where is your life headed. Sure you are strong. You can manage. But who wants to settle. Fight. Its your life. Don’t let things fall in place. That is a copout. Fight.
If being angry motivates you, then some anger is good. Tell yourself you will not be complacent. Rejection you expect, but you know you can’t be resigned to it. Don’t get caught in the anger. Use it as a tool. A tool that propels you towards a goal.
Yes. A goal. How can you measure achievement without one. And get a calendar. Pace yourself. Too much change can send you into a tailspin. Baby steps helped Bob. They can help you too.
Find a soundtrack. Close your eyes. Listen. Feel the sun. Organize, plan but relax in between. Don’t lose sight of dreams. If anyone can make them happen, I know you can. I believe in you.